Alone or lonely? There is a difference
Thomas Sander, in his Social Capitol blog, has a great link to a book and Boston Globe interview with the author of a new book on loneliness in America. The book, written by John Cacioppo, is titled Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection
- The lonely sleep less well and less efficiently.
- The lonely can’t think as clearly.
- The lonely were more likely to describe a gadget anthropomorphically and the lonely were more likely to believe in the supernatural (e.g., God, angels or miracles), and believed in the supernatural more when they were feeling lonely.
- Lonely people had higher levels of chronic inflammation, a condition associated with heart and artery disease, arthritis, Alzheimer’s and other illnesses.
Choosing to spend time alone, or live alone, can be equally beneficial and the research shows there is a strong need for human connection. The Boston Globe article paraphrases Cacioppo by writing:
Moving to a new town or being single can open the door to loneliness, but it turns out it isn’t just a matter of being alone. Indeed, the lonely don’t spend any more time by themselves than the rest of us do. Real loneliness is a feeling that some essential connection is lacking, and while social circumstances matter, it’s also partly genetic.
Choosing to live alone — and live healthy — requires maintaining contact with friends, and building relationships with confidants. While it may seem helpful to amass a few dozen, or few hundred, “friends” on Facebook, being alone, but not lonely, means having real connections and doing things to keep the essential connection to your land, your home, and to some community.
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Hi, I’m John Cacioppo, author (with William Patrick) of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. My parents owned a small orchard in Iowa, so I was delighted to read your blog. My father was a small businessman in St. Louis but retired early to become run his orchard with my mom. Although they had fewer social contacts and worked longer hours on the orchard, they were quickly embraced by the people in the community, and the quality of their social connections and their happiness soared. I now live in a large city but I will never forget the wonderful time I spent on that small Iowa orchard.
There are times I think that I may be insane. I love this life, but never thought I’d be doing it alone. Today, a little above 30 degrees, I cleaned out the two pens in the loafing shed, placed the “mulch” along the fence lines hoping to smother the foxtail brome next spring, hoping to not have to use chemical near the little nursery I started two years ago. And after giving the steer some COB, and the Highland cow some nice grass hay, and the two mamas and their two heifer calves some alfalfa, I just plain laid down on the dormant grass and watched the light clouds form and fade and form and fade. The large orange cat came and laid down on my stomach, and I stayed there until I felt like getting up. And in that moment I didn’t feel in the least bit alone. But those moments are precious. I can not begin to tell you how relieved I am to find this site. I’m not crazy after all…..